I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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