Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
