i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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