3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
