my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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