Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
