I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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