i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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