hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
