Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
