Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
