Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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