I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
