my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
