Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
