I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
