you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
