My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
