Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
