...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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