I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
