I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
