He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
