i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
