i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
