Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
