At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
