well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
