I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
