Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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