Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
