Have you finally orgasmed yet?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
