I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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