you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
