Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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