I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
