Can i not drive my cunt home
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
