My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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