apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
