I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
