Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That accounts for only three of the penises
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
