when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
MIDGETS
????
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
