at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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