Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
