Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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