i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
