Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
