How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
