Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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