I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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