And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He did a backflip because drugs
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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